¶ vacuum

google has launched a new feature to its monstrosity of a search engine, a new category right alongside video, image or what have you. its called social search and is available for use to anyone who wants to relinquish their account information (basically their email address and password, all else will be taken care of) and is subject to search all of us, permission granted or not. what it does is easiest to describe by example.

say you want to search ‘the clash’ now instead of the obligatory wikipedia page and headlining image results, you will also have a new slice to peruse- ‘social search’ -which shows everything and anything your friends and contacts have ever posted in a blog or photo relating to the clash. your contacts are derived from all of your online accounts, myspace, flickr, youtube, napster, facebook, blogspot, amazon friends if that is a thing, netflix buddies. under the guise of being able to get indirect advice from people you know and trust, google has just created what will prove to be the most effective marketing software.. ever.

google word ads will blossom: thirteen year old girls will recieve marginal to their email Cory and Jenny are listening to 3 days to Judas, would you like to buy the album from iTunes? kids wont be able to submit queries for new interests without finding first the popular opinion of their peers. its going to herd people together, tainting their ability to form a unique opinion.

on top of that it will be a piece of cake for google to not only prey upon your own interests, but see what breadcrumbs can be used to push products and opinions onto your whole circle. what people like you listen to, peek into your friends wardrobes, sell that package to urban outfitters, find out who amongst you has anything to say, what nostalgia they have not yet tapped and wrapped and put on the counter. it will also be tremendously easy to find who amongst your group does drugs (publicly), writes on walls, date rapes, and prove that your fraternize with them. now one persons bad will be everyones. hope youre ready.

i was walking down o’farell towards vanness with my brother, going down hill describing a dream, when a man comes careening down the hill from behind us, cussing up a schizophrenic storm. he crosses the street, avoiding the oncoming traffic, and once he makes it to the opposite sidewalk, biffs it. hard. he screams “CALL AN AMBULANCE!!” and within seconds blood splatters are surrounding his contorted body.

“really? you really want an ambulance?” suggesting in my tone that they are a $1400 dollar minimum ride (if memory serves)

“call it! call it! i split my head open!”

while my brother is on the phone with emergency services im picking up his crap and gathering it next to him (to be honest i was looking for a wallet or fallen credit cards). i look over at him, and DAMN. his shit is FUCKED UP. above his right eyebrow is a gash wider and longer than his eyebrow itself, his skin is peeled back and i can SEE HIS SKULL underneath. he however is in no state of panic. hes fucking HIGH. hes trying to get his sweater untangled out of his front tire, which he does by pulling and yanking so hard it is lifting the bike and well off the ground.

“FUCK IT! I’ll ride to saint francis! i’ll GO TO SAINT FRANCIS”

by now we can hear the sirens but hes trying to make a break for it. we slowly follow him down the hill and witness him toss his bike into the road, which lands perfectly upright, shoots down the hill, crosses the street and turns right, and sails smoothly down van ness, ghostriding itself.

my brother later said it was kind of beautiful. anyway, a firetruck comes first, sirens blaring, which he jumps at and hails down like a taxi. it pulls over we mumble some stuff, say what we saw, and return to our walk. not half a block away we see his bike. two kids had grabbed it and were already in the process of selling it.

i was walking through the tenderloin, sf’s premiere crack district, looking for a spot i had seen while my friends were in town that i wanted to take a photo of. half of it was some shit some kids had tagged and it was already buffed. in front of the spot was this crazy looking old man that had a few splintered teeth poking out of his blistered gums like wooden crosses in some eastern european gypsy graveyard.

(me) can i take a picture of you?

(old man) why do you want a picture of me?

(me) i like your teeth.

(old man) TEETH! i dont have any teeth!

(me) yes you do. can i take your picture?

to this he shouted:

MY TEETH! THEY ARE FALLING OUT! YOU WANT A SOUVENEIR? YOU WANT A SOUVENEIR?!

i shouted back:

YEAH! YEAH I DO!

we were facing each other, and standing less than a foot apart at that, so this shouting was insanely enthusiastic. and following my reply, he reaches in his mouth, yanks out one of his teeth, and slaps it in my hand.

win. photos are forthchoming.

pal·li·ate (tr. v)

1 : to reduce the violence of (a disease); also : to ease (symptoms) without curing the underlying disease
2 : to cover by excuses and apologies
3 : to moderate the intensity of <trying to palliate the boredom>

Etymology: Middle English, from Late Latin palliatus, past participle of palliare to cloak, conceal, from Latin pallium cloak Date: 15th century

in regards to a former post i made concerning a name change:

my new screen name on tumblr will be BUTTFUCKMOUNTAIN

this will come into effect in about a week.

also, sphotof has a tumblr account. i think we should all follow him forever. (jrandsathome)